|I hate my desparation for food!!!
||[Sep. 1st, 2006 - 09:59 pm]
Diabetics with Binge Eating Disorder or COE
|[||state of mind
I have been binging big time of late. I have also been sneaking food. I am feeling that whole "out of control, sad, desparate,eat to comfort, out of control" circle again.
I have gained 10 pounds in one month. After my diagnosis I list 30 pounds, I have now gained them back plus 15. Great, just great.
I haven't checked my blood sugars in at least two weeks, and I let myself run out of metfornin. I have insulin but I haven't been using it either.
I am depressed, bloated, and pacing around, trying to find something to eat to take my mind off of it for a moment.
I keep saying that tomorrow is a new morning and I will do so much better tomorrow. Then the morning comes and I have to eat a healthy breakfast alone because everyone gets ticked off when I suggest a bowl of cereal and some fruit instead of eggs, toast and bacon or pancakes. So being the martyr that I am I make them their breakfast and then eat my healthy one alone and/or I "sacrifice myself" to their bad diet.
I know I am in charge of the food. I know I do all of the cooking. I know that if they eat something bad for them in this house, I put it there. That doesn't change the fact that I like to hear them say that they like the food I make and food without grease and heavy carbs do not generate those responses.
I just needed to get that off my chest. If I am busy complaining about food, it makes it harder to eat the food.
I need to figure out a way to get rid of the sense of desparation I feel at night. I don't want to go to bed because I haven't gotten anything done and if I tell myself that I can go to bed early and wake up earlier to get stuff done early then I have to face that fact that I really don't want to do anything and that makes me depressed and I want to eat. The house is a jumbled, cluttered mess and I can't keep it in control. My brain mirrors that and vice-versa.
Ugggh! Thanks for listening.