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I hate my desparation for food!!! - Diabetics with Binge Eating Disorder or COE [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Diabetics with Binge Eating Disorder or COE

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I hate my desparation for food!!! [Sep. 1st, 2006 - 09:59 pm]
Diabetics with Binge Eating Disorder or COE


[state of mind |distresseddistressed]

I have been binging big time of late.  I have also been sneaking food.  I am feeling that whole "out of control, sad, desparate,eat to comfort, out of control" circle again.  

I have gained 10 pounds in one month.  After my diagnosis I list 30 pounds, I have now gained them back plus 15.  Great, just great.

I haven't checked my blood sugars in at least two weeks, and I let myself run out of metfornin.   I have insulin but I haven't been using it either.

I am depressed, bloated, and pacing around, trying to find something to eat to take my mind off of it for a moment.

I keep saying that tomorrow is a new morning and I will do so much better tomorrow.  Then the morning comes and I have to eat a healthy breakfast alone because everyone gets ticked off when I suggest a bowl of cereal and some fruit instead of eggs, toast and bacon or pancakes.  So being the martyr that I am I make them their breakfast and then eat my healthy one alone and/or I "sacrifice myself" to their bad diet.

I know I am in charge of the food.  I know I do all of the cooking.  I know that if they eat something bad for them in this house, I put it there.  That doesn't change the fact that I like to hear them say that they like the food I make and food without grease and heavy carbs do not generate those responses.

I just needed to get that off my chest.  If I am busy complaining about food, it makes it harder to eat the food.

I need to figure out a way to get rid of the sense of desparation I feel at night.  I don't want to go to bed because I haven't gotten anything done and if I tell myself that I can go to bed early and wake up earlier to get stuff done early then I have to face that fact that I really don't want to do anything and that makes me depressed and I want to eat.  The house is a jumbled, cluttered mess and I can't keep it in control.  My brain mirrors that and vice-versa.

Ugggh! Thanks for listening.

[User Picture]From: demonicaertai
2006-09-05 02:56 am (UTC)
::Hugs:: Things will get better...and, were always here to listen. I wish I knew what to say...but, I don't. Just be strong...
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